Sexual Harassment, Again...

The "pushing" process has its highs- connecting with authors, publishers, chance encounters with mentors, looking at life like, "Yes, one day all my hard work will be available at Borders, Barnes and Noble, etc., available on Amazon!!" Yes, those are the happy moments. Especially the moments when people read the summary and say, "Wow! I can actually see this!" I've heard those same words from different people. It is the most pleasurable shock I've ever felt...#pause.

Anywho, I'm just saying there are definitely highlights during this publishing journey. But with those come very low moments as well. They vary just like the happy times, but the one that I think hurts the most is Sexual Harassment.

Am I selling sex? No, I'm selling an idea, a novel- not myself in any inappropriate way. Sorry for any misunderstandings. But really only jerks think that me saying, "Hey, give me your info. I'd love to get your incite," or "You're an author? Cool! Can we have coffee some time? I have a million questions to ask if you don't mind," means I'm open for business. Yeah, NO!! #pointsfinger #rollsneck

Here's the latest incident: Chilling with my girls at a nice networking event. One of my girls made cupcakes so I helped her pass them out. I offered one to a gentleman that did not stand out at all, regular dude.

"Do you want a cupcake?"

He said, "No. I don't eat sweets" (or something like that)

I was fine with that answer and I moved on. Later on he caught up with me and introduced himself. I asked if he could repeat his name- his name sounded "stripperish." I won't say it, but yes, the man had a stripper name.

"I can't call you that. What is your real name?" I asked.

He told me his real name. First and last, aiight, now we're getting somewhere. Although due to the initial stripper name, there was no way that we'd be more than "friends"- instant non-dating category...

So anyway, I asked him why he had a name like that. He told me he was a published author and it was his pen name. Of course, I got excited!!! Connection!!! I asked him 50 million questions before he suggested we discuss it over dinner. I'm thinking "Ummmmm...something ain't right. Dinner is way more serious than coffee." Yet and still, I gave him my BBM PIN- I mean I can ask questions and eat at the same time. You know what I mean.

Needless to say, my BBM went off a lot in a short period of time with requests like asking me to come to his job (some store somewhere- never went) and asking me premature questions like, "Do you like kids because I have kids?" *enter confused BBM face*

The last question after only 4 days of knowing him was the straw the broke the camel's back...You (the reader) may not be phased by this but I'm a bit sensitive, and it bothered me to no end- shocked and appalled. Keep in mind, he's an author that I just wanted to ask writer questions to...OMG!!!

He had the NERVE to ask me if I could send him a full body picture of myself!!! Are you kidding me, Sir?!!! You did not just ask that, you nasty nasty nasty nasty man!!! *barf* *gag* *gross*

I had long forgotten the days when I used to interview artists after concerts in Tallahassee and they thought attractive female journalist equaled buck-wild groupie hoe until I left them after the interview was done. "Thanks for my interview. I don't get down like that!" I forgot that sexual harassment is still real even when you don't present yourself in that way. Ahhh well, the journey continues... :-)

Love,

Sam

A Lot Like Dating...

This cat and mouse game of pushing my manuscript to literary agents and small publishers is quite interesting. The more I do it, the more I realize it is a lot like dating. The ones I pursue and are uber interested in are like, "Yawn, get off me. Not interested." While the ones I'm not EVEN thinking about, never looked at, are like, "Yeah, send me your stuff. We really want to work with you." Well, I'm not interested in them, though. So how's that supposed work?

Prime example, there are plenty of literary agents that I've sent my very interesting summary (in the form of a query letter) to. These are agents that have represented top African American novelists and I'm thinking, "Hey, I'm black. Wassup?!!" But er uh, I've either been ignored or sent a rejection letter back. I got another one this past week!! Yay, me!!

Anyway, I'm attracted to them (lit agents/publishing company) for one or many reasons. I can totally see us together...but they are not hearing me at all. I'm totally crushin' on them, but I get the "nope, we're not feeling you." How many times has this occurred with a fella? Not often (I have to say), but it has happened before...He's like the one you can't stop thinking about, but you know that dude ain't thinkin' 'bout you!! LOL!

Back to publishing: Then on the other hand, by word of mouth, I was referred to a small publisher and sent an email asking for me to consider their representation and business. Hmmmm...I never approached this company, never sent them a query letter, nothing. The CEO doesn't even know what the story is about,what type of fiction it is, or where it fits with the company. Guess what??!! It does not fit with the company- this I know. But the company wants me still. Even when the company has standards (on Web site) saying it will not publish manuscripts with foul language and sexual content, and I explain that the book is about a group of young women in college...Ummm plenty of foul language and yes, sexual content ;-)...(we grown), the company is trying to make it work. Really, they're trying to change how I'm sending my message and that defeats the whole purpose of the story being the way that it is. I mean it's no Zane book, but what you won't do (as my friend Chinaka would say) is clean it up so much that it's sitting in the Christian section of the book store. That's not where it belongs...There is a reason for that.

So I say no, they say yes. And I think to myself, how many times has this happened with a guy? Like seriously. "Sir, you really think you know me. You don't. I know that we're not a match. Don't try to change me to fit your fantasy." But I'm argued down...Oh yeah, that's a great way to turn me on and make me come your way. #rebellious "I just want to be accepted." <---my thoughts during a conversation like this.

For me, it comes down to the question: Why is it that the one you want doesn't want you, and the ones you don't want, want you bad? I just hope that one day (soon) in my publishing endeavors and in the relationship area of my life, that I'll get that balance. That the match-up will...match up!! :-)

In the meantime, I'll keep plugging away, testing, and trying- enjoying the ride!!

Love,

Sam

I've Been Rejected!! Yesssss!!!

Yes! Yes! Yes! I'm elated! I am elated that I have been rejected- rejected by a literary agent right here in D.C. OMG! OMG! OMG!
I submitted a query letter (a letter giving a summary of the book- full of catchy, suspenseful, action-packed jargon; type of thing you'd find on the back of a novel) to a few agencies so far and one, yes-the glorious first, has sent me a rejection email that I opened right as I was in the middle of a get-together with good friends, good food, and great drinks.
It was on a Friday night- Friday the 13th to be exact. I was sitting with the crew laughing it up, checked my Blackberry, and stumbled upon a message sent to me by a literary agent that I was really eager to work with. As I opened the message and read the few sentences she provided, I heard someone in the background, "Ahhhh Sammi, we're just messing with you?" Confused but focused I kept reading. Then a friend hugged me and said she was just playing. I looked at the people in the room like what the heck are ya'll talking about. Apparently as I was thumbing through my phone, I was the butt of some joke or something was said about me that was funny. Normally I'd laugh, and I probably would have been cracking up if I was paying attention. But I wasn't. I assumed the crew noticed my kind of solemn expression and thought it was the joke. No, not at all. I was stuck. I didn't know whether to be happy or sad cus I totally got rejected...Wow!! But yay, because for me, that means somebody read my query, somebody thought about it, and somebody took the time to tell me as she put it: There is too much on my plate right now.
Plus, plus, plus, it officially means for me that I'm really in the publishing process. It's happening. And that makes me happy!!! I got rejected!! Yesssssss!!! Is there a rejection dance? If not, I'll make one up :-)

Love,

Sam

Are We Ever Satisfied?

The great news is I'm moving up in my publishing career, as far as my 9-5 is concerned. I got the coveted (for a year and a half) promotion!! Yay!! So why when I got the offer letter at the end of last week did I want to cry? The raise looked great; it wasn't that. It was the fact that I had not only prayed for more money, I had prayed that God would remove me from that place all together. Not that I dislike it that much, but I just felt, and had been feeling for a long time, that it was time to go. And my family and friends can vouch for me, I tried my hardest for over a year to leave, went on countless interviews, have an actual excel spreadsheet of the 30+ jobs that I applied for, and even developed and kept over 20 different resumes and cover letters to match the specifications of each job I had applied for.
Well, back to last week. I signed the offer letter, I took a walk and immediately call one of my besties asking her what the heck is wrong with me. Why am I so ungrateful? Am I being ungrateful? Are we ever satisfied? Should I ever be satisfied because if I am, will I even continue to strive for more like Jabez in Corinthians who asked God to enlarge his territory? I just didn't get it. What was wrong with me? Was there anything wrong with me? What was up with my melancholy mood?
Bestie understood where I was coming from and reminded me that there is a balance. While I should be grateful about the blessing of finances, responsibility, and a resume booster, I should also continue to strive high. Do both.
A few days later, I called one of my professors and told him the good news. He's a mentor and is also a reference on my resume. After telling him that I didn't get one of the recent jobs I had applied for but I did get this promotion, he asked why I sounded so sad. It's days later and I'm still naturally in a funk. Of course deep down inside I really felt like an ungrateful brat. I told him that after all that work, all those interviews, my goal was never to move up in my current company, it was to leave all together. And I also let him know that I honestly didn't mean to sound that way or at least I didn't mean for him to hear me sound that way.
He reminded me that despite my best efforts, I cannot control everything. There we go with my control issues...He continued and told me that obviously God has a plan for me and my life and it wasn't for me to be where I'm not. He said one of the hardest things for people to do is get out of their own way, the way that God paved for them. So he told me to step aside and again be grateful. And just like my bff said, still strive to go further, but don't forget that I have a great opportunity right here and right now.
I'm a good listener...working, and I mean really working, on the doing. I'm really blessed not only for this new opportunity to learn and grow, but for the love and support by my family, friends, and mentors. :-)

Love,
Sam

I Say No First; Then Yes

I couldn't figure out what to write about until I just finished texting a friend of mine saying I couldn't hang because this is my working weekend. He's here from out of town. We used to hang; he looked out for me in school. He is a person I'll always be cool with. But on his visit to the DMV, I'm busy.

I do that a lot. I will restrict myself from activities and spending time with friends on the weekend so I can work, which most of the time is writing, studying for the next position, or preparing for a job interview. I'm doing all three this weekend.

So I won't see the girls, not even the family in my house for that matter because "work" is super important. It is!! However, in going back and forth with my friend about his schedule and mine, he gave me so many options to come through and say hi. Why? 'Cause we're fam! That's why. And with those options, I thought to myself, "Ms. Luck, you will not be working from sun up to sun down. There will be no burnout...on a weekend."

All that to say, when I do reach 30, I don't want to look back and be glad for all my accomplishments but be sad that there was more fun that could've, should've been had. While I'm an advocate for sacrificing free time, dating, fun for what you want in life, I am realizing that I can go overboard with it- just zone everything and everyone out. My closest friends are all too familiar with my "Cave of Seclusion." I just won't go in there as much...that's the best I can do. :-)

But I'm really, consciously working on balancing work, play, family, love, and whatever else.

My passion and goals will always be before me blaring in flashing lights, but while I'm working on getting things done, I can't forget about my family, friends, and fun!!!

So I guess that means I'm going out Saturday night- Heyyyyyyyyy!!!!

Love,
Sam

And the Point of It All...

Three Years to 30 exists because I literally have less than three years until I'm 30 years old. If I find the right person by that age, I do want to settle down. What young, talented, successful, single lady doesn't? However, now is NOT the time. I'm not published, I'm making decent money-I'd like to make more, I want these student loans gone...etc., etc., etc.

One of my bffs hates when I do that- run down my list of why I'm not ready and then she'll give an example of an old flame and say, "Huh, you lie, Black Gurl! Cuz if dude had asked, you would've been on it!" Hee Hee! She's right, but he didn't...and thennnnnnn I realized it was for the best.

At this point, I haven't explored enough, that includes travel, education, learning men and what I can live with and can't live with, and I haven't achieved enough of my personal goals- spiritually, emotionally, yes, psychologically (can't negate your mental health. Doesn't matter who you are.), or financially.

I still kick myself in the behind for paying more attention to boys than studying for my SATs and getting the BEST grades in high school, which made me ineligible for a full scholarship and left me with crazy student loans- mail and harassing phone calls. These days I have the loan people in my good graces since I pay them and consistently. But I emphasize, I want the loans gone or close to gone before I consider combining finances, credit scores, and mortgage payments with an M.A.N. If I want him to have his stuff together, I have to have mine together too. I can be hypocritical at times, but not in this case.

Anywho my thing is I don't want to settle and resent my partner because I, yes I, put my dreams aside for us. Sacrifice is all well and good, but I don't have to do that now. Glad about it.

What I can do now is continue to make my goals priority and make sure dating stays in its rightful place, located just below Jesus and Sammi's Personal Success.
With that said, this blog serves as a platform to express my feelings, share information, and provide commentary on my life pre-30. The adventures up to 27 have been amazing, fun, triumphant, sad, difficult, and more, but I'm alive, thriving, and I plan to make the most of my 20s. I'll deal with the 30s when I get there. Hopefully I'll have no regrets going in b/c I rode these next three years til the wheels fell off, rolled down the street, and out of my sight...

Love,
Sam

I Must Relinquish Control

I put it out there. Wrote my first novel...I love it! Family (only) has read it. Of course they love it!! *Of Course* I wrote the infamous query letter for publishers, sent the letter and a summary to one (I know, not enough). Then I reached out to two literary agencies, and will send query letters to one a week from now on until I get what I want, which is a literary agent.

Next, I applied to fifty thousand trillion jobs (very specific, special jobs) and have not YET gotten the response I want. But I keep pushing. That student loan repayment program is calling my name like, "Ms. Samantha Luck, we will make those loans disappear." And I'm like, "Ohhhhh yeahhhhhh! I love you!! Sallie Mae, eat your heart out!!"

Then among other things, I took my heart out of my chest and said "Hey Guy, this how I feel. I'm all vulnerable and stuff, but only for you, Boo!!" LOL @ myself! Ummmmm yeah, then things got quiet...*crickets crickets crickets* So I grabbed ahold of my heart, put it back in my chest like, "Okay, fine..." I was not fine, but you pat yourself on the back for being brave and keep going.

So here I am, doing, applying, giving, loving, waiting, tending to emotional bruises and ego busters...and in the midst of it all, I'm uneasy about the fact that I cannot control everything. While I would like everything to go my way and expeditiously I might add, I know that A. that is not possible and B. there's a bigger and better plan out there. My job is to be faithful and be the best Sam I can be every single day.

I also noticed that while I was scrambling trying to make my goals happen, I realized that I hadn't been grateful for the blessings that are occurring right in front of me. To name a few, I'm freelancing like I always wanted, I'm working on my second novel, making connections everywhere I seem to go, I'm back to loving blogging, I'm enjoying upward mobility and expansion at my current job, and LOVE? well, the love like I want has really yet to be given to me. I'm not in a rush especially since I admittedly have a habit of pushing aside my dreams and goals for it. Eeeeewww! Not very cool of me and soooo accidental. When it's right, it's right...Apparently now is not the time. Cool!!

So in this time of self-reflection, I came to the conclusion that if I am going to put myself out there (already did), I must MUST MUST MUST relinquish control. It is freeing, faithful, and very necessary for my sanity. #imjustsaying

Love,
Sam