Rise and Shine

It seemed like I did have writer's block for many months. That was rough and truth be told my focus was way off. That's kind of expected with a new job, new man, and new responsibilities. Welp, something in me shifted and I just didn't feel right. Me without writing is a painful existence.

I missed my first love and as much as I journaled, it didn't take the place of writing novels- getting into really interesting story lines and falling in love with characters.

I was also in a rocky relationship with a literary agent. Let's just say, for the sake of grace and professionalism, that it didn't work out between us. We are over and I'm back with this novel in my hands so close to being ready for the world- on my own and without the backing of a major publishing company. I think that's exactly how I want it though. For authors today, this self-publishing/e-book revolution is lucrative, liberating, empowering, and it just makes sense with all the resources available at our finger tips.
My baby (Organic Leaves) is not perfect. It needs a good editor- found one two days ago!!- and it needs to be formatted for ebook publising- Been doing that for days!!! I might as well be an expert... lol

So things are looking up and moving right along. The new job is funding my dreams, the new man is supportive to the point of selflessly making me focus on myself, and my new responsibilities are keeping me on task. There's always going to be something I have to do, something I have to take care of- publishing my own book was always on the list, but it's become more of a priority as my three years to 30 is starting to turn into one year to 30. Where'd the time go??? Geez...

All that to say, I going to meet the goal of publishing before 30. This is a process and it does take time, but it does not have to take forever.

Love,

Sam

Writer's Block

There is a bit of blockage right now. Not sure what to do. I can pray, change locations, "sit my butt down and write," the list goes on. Working on the second book has been a little straining. It's in the first few pages and I can already tell that it is an intense story. My imagination has reached a new level with this one. But that amount of energy exuded can be taxing...comes with the territory though.

Currently, I'm in contract negotiations with a literary agent with the first book. I'm hopeful about that. That was one of my initial goals remember?? Snag an agent!! But I had changed my mind and considered e-publishing after being rejected by so many. I had my mind set on doing it all myself. Welp, things have changed and I am not complaining. I have high hopes for Organic Leaves and in the meantime, I'm going to do all of the above (pray, change locations, "sit my butt down and write,") and finish this second project.

Keep ya posted!!

Love,

Sam

Under Construction

Stay Tuned... :-)

No She Didn't!!!

Dear All,

I was talking to a close friend of mine, explaining how a 26-year-old admitted that I looked younger than her. I took that as a compliment because I could've sworn she was well over 30! So my close friend rattles off boastfully about looking "younger" though we "are on the 30 side of 20."

Wait! What??!! Who says that?! The "30 side of 20?" I never knew such a saying existed. My ears, oh gah!! No way...since when? LOL!

I'm being ultra dramatic today. There's nothing wrong with being...I hesitate...on the 30 side of 20. I think 30s are great, but it felt like I was put there before my time. Even two years- no longer three-to 30 sounds better...I think (as I nod to myself reassuringly).

Welp, this conversation that I had with my close friend was right on time...a couple days before I touch down in glorious Miami! The beautiful #305!! The main escape for me as a college kid during my matriculation at Florida A&M.

It's time to rewind the clock and be on the 20 side of 20 again!! Wet Willies, for starters (hee hee) and who knows what, to follow. I need fun in the sun and the freedom to be free! And while I write all of this, I'm starting to see a more realistic picture of me: On the beach, laptop up, writing, working on website, working on book launching plans (I'll keep you posted) and working on finances, with the ocean waves crashing as my background music...Who knows, maybe I'll get a chance to do it all!

Let's go, GIRLS!!!!

P.S. Everyone needs a break every now and again...and again ;-)

Love,

Sam

High School Reunion Ticket for One, Please?

I can honestly say that I remember thinking about my 10-year reunion my senior year in high school. I remember I was sitting at my desk in newspaper class thinking, “Okay, so I’ll be 28. Hmmmm, I suppose I’ll be married with a baby or a baby on the way. Also I should be an award-winning journalist by then. Yep!” That was the plan.

Marriage: Yeah, not even close. Married? Me? What’s that? No, I’m kidding. If you consider a re-occurring conversation, which I did NOT initiate, where “we” discussed eloping in undergrad…I guess you could consider that that’s the closest I’ve gotten. Oh, and the trying on of the rings. I can’t believe we used to do that- and were SERIOUS!! LOL!! But anywhoo, rings are fun...and pretty. I’d do it again- I don’t care.

Besides that, I’m pretty much swimming in this dating pool. I think for once in my life I’m doing the backstroke- easy, breezy, FUN, relaxing, going with the flow. Before that was easier said than done; now it is actually what I do and I’m really happy. But with that being said, there’s no ONE (not because they’re not great) I would consider asking to escort me to my reunion. From my perspective, I’d rather enjoy the “catching up” with my classmates by myself, after all, I’d know everyone there and he wouldn’t…wait, before I go further, I’d just feel more comfortable at this stage in my dating to go to my reunion alone. I’m really starting to recognize and embrace my comfort levels rather than overanalyzing why I feel or think a certain way. This how I feel and what I think…today :-)

A baby or preggers? Uhhh, no. That’s just not a want right now anyway. It was then, but when I look at my life now, one- I haven’t settled on my partner (that’s major), and two- it just doesn’t fit with my current plan. So that’s out and that’s totally okay by me.

Award-winning journalist: Journalist- yes, but not full time like I had originally planned. Award-winning- yeah, in college! LOL!! With this one though, I gave myself permission to change my mind. I’m good at what I do. I’m a writer. But my focus has changed. Funny enough, it’s changed back to what it was my freshman year of college. I remember walking on the set of FAMU at 18 thinking, “I don’t need a damn degree to write books.” Anddddd then I continued to pursue a degree in newspaper journalism, changed to elementary education, changed again to magazine production, graduated, and then went to grad school for business. What am I doing now? Working in publishing (totally my choice after NOT enjoying being a newspaper reporter in Tallahassee), freelancing as an entertainment journalist, and publishing my NOVEL #Organic Leaves this summer. I went back to my first love, and that’s all I want to do- write more books.

The Wrap Up

I surely had this picture-perfect image of myself at 28, and honestly, I’m not that woman. That is a most wonderful thing though, because I’m happy and secure when it comes to my life and the choices that I’ve made. I think a high school reunion is the perfect time to celebrate who you really are and not wallow in or dwell on who you’re not.

Love,

Sam

This Goes Out to My Ladiessssssss!!

I’ve never been the type to dislike girls just because they’re girls. And actually it would make my skin crawl to hear another woman say she couldn’t stand women and would rather hang out with men. I love hanging out with the guys, but I need a healthy balance and will run to get my estrogen fix at some point. That’s just how I’m wired- Female Power to the Fullest!! I need my solitude and lots of it, I need my guys so I can laugh, take notes, and laugh some more, and then I need my girls because they can understand me, give me good or not so great advice, and challenge me to be my best and have the best.

I remember one of my girls said in front of everyone, “I think you should be with [this guy] because he’ll treat you like a queen and you deserve that…He’s like the William to your Joan.*” And while she had a point and I believed it, I just wasn’t interested in him and wasn’t gonna fake it for excellent treatment. But in that statement of hers, I felt her love. I knew that she had felt a recent struggle of mine and wanted the absolute best for me. That’s why I love my girlfriends. While you think you’re just telling them a story, the happenings, they are walking with you, arguing with you, albeit being disrespected, neglected, and mistreated right along with you.

One night I shared a friendly letter with one of my girlfriends that I had written to a close guy friend of mine. It was a heartfelt two-pager (this is how I am, rarely) chronicling our time knowing each other, the ups, the downs, and how we’re totally winning because we’re still friends. After reading the P.S., I look up to see my good girlfriend wiping her tears. I burst into laughter! “Are you crying??” I asked. She nodded yes. I “teared” up a little bit myself, because at this point I knew it was okay to let out the tears I had been holding back but also because I felt not only her love, but her understanding. She had rode with me through that whole rocky roller coaster of lust, love, 2 days of hate, a long period of extreme dislike, amazing forgiveness (ooooh Jesus), and then genuine friendship. She felt my closure in that letter and I more than appreciated that.

Another one of my girls I can call, give her my dilemma, and she 99.9% of the time says the right things. It usually goes like this, “Did you hear yourself? You just worked out your own problem,” or “What does Samantha want to do? Why do you care what anybody thinks about it? Girl, bye!”  She’s the friend that always indirectly reminds me that the answer lies within. I sooooo appreciate that and need that reminder.

I have a million more stories and not enough space. But I just wanted to share how much my girls mean to me. Women supporting women is a beautiful thing. Even if there’s occasional beef, and it happens, and I hold grudges for a length of time, at the end of it all and what keeps me happy in these relationships is the constant realization that we’re human, we make mistakes, and friendship and communication are two-way streets. God blessed me with very human and yet extremely wonderful, fun, crazy, beautiful, loving GIRLFRIENDS!!!!!! I need them as much as they need me.

Love,

Sam



*Reference to the "Girlfriends" sitcom. How appropriate... ;-)

Don't Push Me...Just Stop.

#sigh That's exactly what I just did. Why? Because there is a proverbial thorn in my side; guaranteed, though, that after I write this, I will feel a lot better and relieved. The thorn in my side is a person's persistence to get my attention. I am not willing to give it, so if said person is reading this, take this as an open letter (sort of) and just let it go. I really do mean no harm...but I would like you to leave me alone.

Not every situation between a man and a woman will work out to become a full-fledged commitment, a loving relationship, a deep or close friendship to last through the ages. Some people just get together because an initial attraction is there, and over time and for various reasons it fades. That's life.

If there is ever a question of why it didn't work, why don't people ask immediately rather than letting years go by and then bringing it up in the present? While I didn't mind explaining my perspective after a lot of time passed, I did mind being argued with about my perspective. Don't ask, if you can't handle it.

Now, I am a person who has a habit of leaving a situation and not turning back. What that means most of the time is that I don't need to keep in touch with past guys. Rarely do I keep the connection and there have only been two (my BFF and I went through the list) that I will call friends- they remind me of each other. It's funny to me. But I love them both dearly. Anywho, for everyone else, most of whom are not my enemies, we just don't need to keep in touch. Let me reiterate, it's NO BEEF...but it becomes beef when I'm bombarded with questions and then rebuttals for my own personal reasons for exiting, and thennnnn I'm chastised for being honest and straight to the point. Would you really rather me sugar coat this? If that's the case, no wonder nothing became of us. If I can take it- honesty, bluntness, then I feel like my kind of guy should be able to as well. My opinion.

Anywho, once I say I'm no longer discussing the issue, that's exactly what I mean. I'm no longer answering the whys. What is the point when you don't hear me in the first place? I feel like people quick to argue are hardly empathetic. They don't see it from your perspective, they can only view the situation from their's. Well if that's the case, don't ask me another thing.

So I said my peace, was argued "at," and I left it alone, not responding to anything else, that's my queue to ignore...Okay, that right there, is not an invitation to "knock on my door" a.k.a. reach out through digital technology after some days have passed. Stoppppppp....puhlease. No beef, just let it be. Seriously. Let it go. Not every person you date is gonna want to be your friend after or entertain your 20 questions plus unnecessary arguments. There's a lot of life to live; go live it.
God Bless You and Good Night...

~Sam