Part of the Process is Me Letting It Out This Way...

Totally missing my sister today...

I'd thought I'd post what I read at her funeral service just over a month ago. It's the realest thing I've ever written.

"I wanted to sit and just observe but Michel would've thought that was odd. So here I am...

God blessed me with an amazing big sister. Ever since I can remember, I'd admired her; the way she walked, how she talked, how people were so attracted to her. I studied her as a child. Whatever charm she possessed, that inner happiness that she carried that made people want to be around her and to do things for her, I knew I'd be able to pick it up and make it my own. And I have, but I never forgot where it came from, and like her, I'd never take advantage. She was graceful and polite. People recognized her light and it made them happy to feed that- strangers, family, friends, the staff at the Dunkin Donuts and Bojangles. People know good when they see it...

If I could compare us to colors, my sister was a fire red, very hot and spicy. I started out baby pink, soft and sheltered, but as I spent time with her, and inherited some of her style, mannerisms, established a better connection with her, she added her red to my pink, and made me fuchsia- my favorite color of the rainbow. She was a teacher, a mentor, an enhancer...

I can't say enough about how wonderful Michel was, or how much we shared. If I tried, we'd be here forever. But I can say she was my cheer leader, my protector, my supporter, one of my best friends. She made any story funny, she made shopping and eating a sensual experience, and her zest for life and adventure pulled me out of my cave of artistic isolation and reminded me to live outside of my head.

I'm blessed to have had a second mother as a child, and a fun-loving, girl-talking, advice-giving best girlfriend that I called sister as an adult.

Michel and I grew up differently but our lives were so in sync it was uncanny. Our personalities are similar in moments when I least expect it- ranging from moments of giving out necessary verbal thrashings to just sitting in the sun and absorbing chi energy. She was human, but most of all she was love. She will forever be my sister."

~Sammi