The Pressure's On

2010 is almost a wrap!! I remember where I was when the clock struck midnight, at a party drinking and dancing with my girls, flirting with a beautiful man. LOL!! Yeah, I was twitterpated, excited about what was to come...having no idea of...what was to come.

It was an eventful 12 months to say the least. Financially draining, financially rewarding, job lows, job highs, career stepping stones, career stresses, love...troubled, great, confusing, irritating, amazingly wonderful, I decline, I decline, I decline, I accept, yep I accept, wait-did you just decline me? What the hell, man?, pro-team, no team, and back around again :-) Hey, it is what it is-as cliche as that is.

Speaking of career successes though, I really enjoy writing for JukeBoxDC.com. So far I've written 3 articles, have completed 7 video interviews- some not published yet, and I've made some great connections all within a few months. More than it being fun and interesting, it was a big boost considering the fact that I had quit interviewing per a few bad experiences-as mentioned in an aforementioned post. It's strengthening and encouraging to pick something back up that you dropped because of the negativity of people who aren't supportive of you. You're supposed to keep going. :-)

But with all the reporting that I've been doing, the 9-5 getting busy, and this other project I've been working on, I've been neglecting my novel. That makes me feel like crap cus that's my baby, period. So yesterday, I did some more editing and I'm going at agents hard. That's it and that's all. 2011 will be the year Samantha Luck gets published.

I can tell this will be a great year. With God first, I trust that things will go according to His plan. Following my calling... :-)

Have a blessed year!!!

Love,
Sam

Wrapping Up This Year

The year is coming to a close. I remember exactly where I was and who I was with as the clock turned to 12 am on January 1, 2010. I was happy and hopeful about work, writing...love. Months and months of a rollercoaster ride with each of those, but I have to say, I've learned a lot and grown a lot.

I have no regrets, none whatsoever. I'm blessed for all that I have accomplished: promotion, more writing and building clips and a platform, and I've learned more about how I operate and what best serves me when it comes to matters of the heart. I wouldn't trade that.

2010, WOW! What an amazing year, filled with immense pain and yet incredible joy. I evolved considerably and will continue to do so as I remain on my Three Years to 30 journey, which includes following my heart and watching how the Universe orchestrates my dreams coming true.

Love,

Sam

It's the Allure

It was 2006. I had just graduated from FAMU and I was on my celebrity interview grind. With Dawn Angelique (now Dawn of Dirty Money), Anthony Hamilton, Doug E. Fresh, Talib Kweli and lesser known artists I interviewed in Tallahassee, I thought why not come home and continue? It was fun and gave me a challenge. So I came back to DC, found out a certain artist was going to be at a party and I wanted to interview him bad. He was one of my favorites and I had five questions, that's all. I contacted the promoter of the party who provided me access and dragged my bff and her camera with me.

I get to the party. I spot the artist. I speak and hug the artist. I let him know about my (then) blog and how I would love to ask him 5 questions. He agrees to it but says, "Find me at the end of the night." Those words are like a shot in foot, btw. Like, what? What the heck does that mean?!!

I wait, I party, I wait some more. Finally, I find him...behind a velvet rope. I approach the rope. His bouncer hates me. Why? IDK. The artist acts like he never spoke to me and waves me off. I'm leaving out more than needs to be told but can I just tell you that he played my life...like PLAYED MY LIFE!!! I left the club with my bestie asking what am I going to do next. I told her I was done. This was stupid. No more interviews...

Just like Jay Z's "Allure," every time I felt that was that, it called me right back...

So what's new? After freelancing for ShowOff Magazine (Bermudian Magazine) over the summer, I got the interview bug back. After a while, a good friend Martin invited me to join JukeBOXDC.com and here I am interviewing in the DC area once again. Last week, I interviewed a hot, new DC artist Rewind- video coming soon. And today, I interviewed the very talented RAtheMC. Both were absolute pleasures to talk to. Oh yeah look out for that video coming out soon as well on JukeBOXDC.com. S/O to Jamoris for being so great!! "It's your show, Sam!" is all he kept saying...

That's the update for now. You know I'll keep you posted on the rest. More interviews, more about the novel and some G 14 classified writing projects I have under the radar.

Love,

Sam

*Photo w/ RAtheMC courtesy of Martin Jon Powell

In The Meantime

I'm at work, I'm hungry, and my eyes hurt. It's just one of those days. I'm blessed to be alive, healthy, and have people around me who love me. Looking on the bright side :-)

Recently I thought to myself, "OMG!! I'll be 28 in 3 months!!" Can I just say that at this pace (I'm really hard on myself btw), I'm moving way too slow. So 2 months left for one writing project (will inform you about that later), I've been freelancing (http://www.jukeboxdc.com/2010/10/inside-box-big-krit.html), will continue and then it's novel publishing time. I have some options. I want to be thoroughly knowledgeable about the company I'm going with and I also need to write my own book proposal because I want to have as much control over this as possible.

I'm also reading more novels by non-African American writers. There's nothing wrong with broadening my scope. It will enhance my writing skills as I set out for novel number 2.

In the midst of all this, work is a challenge but a good one. Family's better and dating has taken a backseat even though truly Tis the Season (by that I mean the male species is starting to really getting serious here) and it's evident...But er uh, I now know where to keep dating until I really (rationally) know when someone's right for me. One key no-no is if he/they at all pull me away from my purpose, my writing, me making more money. My philosophy is if it's right, it shouldn't. Am I wrong?

Love,

Sam

Every Woman Needs A Male Best Friend

Honestly I don't know who or where I'd be without my MBFF. He's known me since I was 21. Met me and my girls on South Beach, invited me to a party with The Roots performing under the night sky, and rapped me up for hours while we were surrounded by graffiti artists spraying white walls with neon/glow-in-the-dark paint. I'll never forget it.

We talked that night as if we had known each other all of our lives. I had a great time that Spring Break with my girls but he put the spark in it, made it extra special. My MBFF became a fixture in my life, always caring, always motivating, pushing me career-wise, coaching me to do the unthinkable/non-typical, always checking for and on me.

P.S. I'm absolutely not talking about friends with benefits...not that anything's really wrong with that if that's what you choose. Not this article though...

Why is the MBFF necessary?

1. He knows you. Years in the making, he knows what to do and say when you're in a stank mood. You two share inside jokes that will have you busting out laughing even when you're not feeling up to it. You can ask him, "Hey, am I being stupid, crazy, irrational?" And you can count on him to tell you "YES!!!" if that's in fact the truth, rather than someone telling you what they think you want to hear.

2. Dating advice. Yes, he can translate man talk. Better yet, he can stop you from over-analyzing men with these simple words, "Men are simple. It's you women that make it more complicated than it is. Just chill. Do you." I've heard those words over and over again. And what's great about my MBFF is that he doesn't have a problem repeating this to me, as I tend to forget when I'm entering into and exiting out of situations.

3. You can eavesdrop on his love life. It's nice to be on the other side for a change, hear things from a man's perspective about other women. Makes you change up a bit and make your thing (who you are and how you are) much more attractive. Many times, I've found myself comparing myself-and not in any insecure way-to the women in his life. You get to say, "Ooooh, I would never do that. She's wack for that!!" or "Wow, okay, I like how she did that."

4. You know you're in safe hands. After being besties for so long, you develop trust in your MBFF, which is probably more than you can say for those who have come and gone. After trials, triumphs and tests of your genuine love for each other, you know that he has your back and he'll hold you down, and you would do the same for him. You have history, you know each others' stories, you have a forever thing versus a temporary connection.

5. Acceptance. Everyone wants to be liked/loved for who they are, right? Years of friendship has made the both of you reveal yourselves, and though it was not always a pretty picture or you did not portray the most pleasant facets of your personalities, you knew that you were only human and the truth is people change through time and after certain life events. Flaws and all, you stick it out with each other and then he says that when you marry whomever he approves, he's showing up at your wedding dressed down but very handsomely in an Adidas jumpsuit and shelltoes. <----Okay, that's just my MBFF. LOL!!! But the point is the MBFF stands by you and your choices (even after some debate) and accepts you for you. That's a good feeling.


Love,

Sam

On That Midnight Train to Florida

I totally quit D.C. for a week. I packed my stuff and I hopped on a train to purposely ride for 17 hours...I wanted to be in a position where all I could do was think, reassess, write and rest. That's exactly what I did.

I got my window seat (great!), I had my laptop, Blackberry (music and Twitter), and I was comfortably dressed: Tank, Boyfriend sweater, black leggings, calf boots, hair done, make-up minimal. Travel chic. Water and plenty of fruit to avoid dehydration.

It felt good to have a seat to myself, a window I could gaze out of, and just the thought of knowing I had the power to leave stuff I didn't feel like dealing with felt wonderful.

I opened my laptop and added on to my second novel. That thing is gonna be good (in my opinion) especially since I'm combining the second novel's story with the third. That's because both of the plots are in my head and I just don't want to wait for the third to get this story out. For writers who take inspiration from their own lives, you'll get this. I'm currently living novel #3. The passion, because I'm feeling everything now (good, bad, beautiful, ugly), is fresh and I have to transfer it to paper (computer). Considering the fact that the second novel was going to have a very sad element, the elements of the third novel will balance it out. What I want is a balanced story...which totally works cus I'm still dealing with the main issues that were going to be expressed in novel #2 as I'm living #3. So yeah, pretty much, the first novel was based on events in my life during college and a little after. The second (combo of #2 and #3) will be based on personal events, but keep in mind, I have a very creative imagination and it IS fiction.

With #2, my writing is going to be more poetic. I felt the need after the first and since inspiration comes in many forms, poetry found me this year. No poems, just a more of a poetic flow. You'll see.

I wrote on the train, I tweeted on the train- like I couldn't stop. That was different. I also listened to "Love is Stronger Than Pride" by Sade over and over and then tuned in to my Bliss station on Pandora. It's hard to explain this type of band/music. It's meditative, smooth, chill, loungey...If you like Telepopmuzik's "Breathe," then you may like Bliss. The song of theirs I love is "Don't Look Back." Replay...

I watched "Just Wright" again! I enjoyed watching the maturation of Scott's relationship with Leslie. I like the realistic situation involving the return of his ex-fiance who had broken his heart and Scott was unsure so he left Leslie for her...Leslie did her own thing and when Scott got his barrings and saw clearly, he came back for her and courted her though she gave him a hard time at first. The right things done and said by the right person. It's refreshing to watch.

The only thing that irritated me on the train was when I got a seat mate and she slept facing me. Girlllll, no! LOL!! And then when she slept with her back to me, the crack of her butt was showing. One, are you wearing underwear? Two, where is your belt? Three, you can't feel that breeze? Ewwwww...so I made myself sleep facing my window.

When the sun came up, I made my way with my laptop to the dining car. Seats taken everywhere. I asked a young man could I sit with him. I never opened my computer because we talked for hours. He was a Miami man, hardworking, kind and he was stuck at a standstill too. He was in the midst of figuring out how to continue to get what he really wanted in life like me. Two strangers on the same page. I enjoyed my time and my talk with him. And when I was rushing to get off the train with my luggage, he stepped off (not his stop) and helped me. Very, very sweet man. We said goodbye, I think I hugged him (he was a sweetheart) and he hopped back on the train. My mom saw him and asked who he was...Just a nice guy.

Now I'm in Orlando, still thinking and reassessing, but I'm wayyyyy more relaxed. I'm coming back different. I'm already changed. More explanations later!

Love,

Sam

Dear God, Help Me to Let This Go...

I've been in my (Wo)man cave for weeks. Tragic news of my Uncle/Godfather's passing put me in another mental state...not crazy, but extremely sad. One, I'm big on father figures. He was one. Two, I love the loved ones who support me no matter what. He was one. And three, it was unfreakin' real and sudden...like split-second life changing. I was living in a nightmare that I feel like I still haven't woken up from. It's heartbreaking...but the things that keep a smile on my face are: My family's strength, love, and perseverance and the fact that my Uncle planted valuable seeds in all of us. He instilled entrepreneurship, beyond-the-classroom learning, and that living your dream is the only way to live. With that, family, and God (constant prayer), I have all I need to succeed.

So what is it that I need to let go of? Not my Uncle's memory- not at all. I'll explain...

In beginning to search for family photos of him a couple of weeks ago, I kept seeing and remembering this picture of myself at the age of no more than 2. I was dressed in a white bonnet (too cute) and a white gown made by my Granny with lace detailing on the front and pearl buttons. Pale, pudgy, and barefoot. I was inside of a church, First Baptist of Georgetown. It was my christening and I was in the arms of my handsome, protective, loving Uncle and Godfather Darren Thompson.

I wracked my brain the other day. "Where the heck is that picture??!! I need it!!" I figured as the days went on, I'd remember. So I waited...just for the location to come to me. Days came and went. No pic.

My mom came in town and I asked her about it. She said, "Sam, I gave you the picture. I put it in the photo album I made for you one Christmas. You took it to Florida. I haven't seen it since you've been back."

My heart dropped into the deepest part of my stomach...I hadn't seen that album since 2006. I ran to an empty room in the house where I'd stored miscellaneous things. Nothing. No album. I ran downstairs to a closet under the stairs where I'd stored more items of mine. Ripped through boxes and more boxes. No album.

My mom came downstairs. She asked, "You haven't found it?" I balled, "Noooooooo!!!!"
I cried, "It's with all the others!" I was referring to the whole box of family photos I had lost in college. I left the box of pictures on my closet floor as I literally ran for my life from my Florida apartment and my college boyfriend- Mr. Evil. I left him with all my stuff. I escaped with a smidgen of my sanity and a couple of suitcases.

Because I knew I was safe with my family and in a very loving and healthy environment, I became okay with the fact that I had left that man with my plasma T.V., my ultra comfortable queen bed, the non-stick pots and pans, the reading chair, the glass chess board, and my pictures (knowing his evil ass, he burned or tossed them), but I didn't know my Uncle was in there.

Back to the other day, my mom consoled me as I was broken down crying on the floor. She said, "Samantha, it's okay. You were going through a lot then. We had to get you up outta there...What's most important is that the memory of Darren is in your mind and in your heart. That's all that matters."

As mad as I was, she was right. It was okay. And every time I think about the picture of us that I'll never see again, yes, I get angry, but I remember her words. He IS in my heart and in my mind. A small picture can't hold the kind of wonderful man he was and what he meant to me, but I can.

Love,

Sam

Sexual Harassment, Again...

The "pushing" process has its highs- connecting with authors, publishers, chance encounters with mentors, looking at life like, "Yes, one day all my hard work will be available at Borders, Barnes and Noble, etc., available on Amazon!!" Yes, those are the happy moments. Especially the moments when people read the summary and say, "Wow! I can actually see this!" I've heard those same words from different people. It is the most pleasurable shock I've ever felt...#pause.

Anywho, I'm just saying there are definitely highlights during this publishing journey. But with those come very low moments as well. They vary just like the happy times, but the one that I think hurts the most is Sexual Harassment.

Am I selling sex? No, I'm selling an idea, a novel- not myself in any inappropriate way. Sorry for any misunderstandings. But really only jerks think that me saying, "Hey, give me your info. I'd love to get your incite," or "You're an author? Cool! Can we have coffee some time? I have a million questions to ask if you don't mind," means I'm open for business. Yeah, NO!! #pointsfinger #rollsneck

Here's the latest incident: Chilling with my girls at a nice networking event. One of my girls made cupcakes so I helped her pass them out. I offered one to a gentleman that did not stand out at all, regular dude.

"Do you want a cupcake?"

He said, "No. I don't eat sweets" (or something like that)

I was fine with that answer and I moved on. Later on he caught up with me and introduced himself. I asked if he could repeat his name- his name sounded "stripperish." I won't say it, but yes, the man had a stripper name.

"I can't call you that. What is your real name?" I asked.

He told me his real name. First and last, aiight, now we're getting somewhere. Although due to the initial stripper name, there was no way that we'd be more than "friends"- instant non-dating category...

So anyway, I asked him why he had a name like that. He told me he was a published author and it was his pen name. Of course, I got excited!!! Connection!!! I asked him 50 million questions before he suggested we discuss it over dinner. I'm thinking "Ummmmm...something ain't right. Dinner is way more serious than coffee." Yet and still, I gave him my BBM PIN- I mean I can ask questions and eat at the same time. You know what I mean.

Needless to say, my BBM went off a lot in a short period of time with requests like asking me to come to his job (some store somewhere- never went) and asking me premature questions like, "Do you like kids because I have kids?" *enter confused BBM face*

The last question after only 4 days of knowing him was the straw the broke the camel's back...You (the reader) may not be phased by this but I'm a bit sensitive, and it bothered me to no end- shocked and appalled. Keep in mind, he's an author that I just wanted to ask writer questions to...OMG!!!

He had the NERVE to ask me if I could send him a full body picture of myself!!! Are you kidding me, Sir?!!! You did not just ask that, you nasty nasty nasty nasty man!!! *barf* *gag* *gross*

I had long forgotten the days when I used to interview artists after concerts in Tallahassee and they thought attractive female journalist equaled buck-wild groupie hoe until I left them after the interview was done. "Thanks for my interview. I don't get down like that!" I forgot that sexual harassment is still real even when you don't present yourself in that way. Ahhh well, the journey continues... :-)

Love,

Sam

A Lot Like Dating...

This cat and mouse game of pushing my manuscript to literary agents and small publishers is quite interesting. The more I do it, the more I realize it is a lot like dating. The ones I pursue and are uber interested in are like, "Yawn, get off me. Not interested." While the ones I'm not EVEN thinking about, never looked at, are like, "Yeah, send me your stuff. We really want to work with you." Well, I'm not interested in them, though. So how's that supposed work?

Prime example, there are plenty of literary agents that I've sent my very interesting summary (in the form of a query letter) to. These are agents that have represented top African American novelists and I'm thinking, "Hey, I'm black. Wassup?!!" But er uh, I've either been ignored or sent a rejection letter back. I got another one this past week!! Yay, me!!

Anyway, I'm attracted to them (lit agents/publishing company) for one or many reasons. I can totally see us together...but they are not hearing me at all. I'm totally crushin' on them, but I get the "nope, we're not feeling you." How many times has this occurred with a fella? Not often (I have to say), but it has happened before...He's like the one you can't stop thinking about, but you know that dude ain't thinkin' 'bout you!! LOL!

Back to publishing: Then on the other hand, by word of mouth, I was referred to a small publisher and sent an email asking for me to consider their representation and business. Hmmmm...I never approached this company, never sent them a query letter, nothing. The CEO doesn't even know what the story is about,what type of fiction it is, or where it fits with the company. Guess what??!! It does not fit with the company- this I know. But the company wants me still. Even when the company has standards (on Web site) saying it will not publish manuscripts with foul language and sexual content, and I explain that the book is about a group of young women in college...Ummm plenty of foul language and yes, sexual content ;-)...(we grown), the company is trying to make it work. Really, they're trying to change how I'm sending my message and that defeats the whole purpose of the story being the way that it is. I mean it's no Zane book, but what you won't do (as my friend Chinaka would say) is clean it up so much that it's sitting in the Christian section of the book store. That's not where it belongs...There is a reason for that.

So I say no, they say yes. And I think to myself, how many times has this happened with a guy? Like seriously. "Sir, you really think you know me. You don't. I know that we're not a match. Don't try to change me to fit your fantasy." But I'm argued down...Oh yeah, that's a great way to turn me on and make me come your way. #rebellious "I just want to be accepted." <---my thoughts during a conversation like this.

For me, it comes down to the question: Why is it that the one you want doesn't want you, and the ones you don't want, want you bad? I just hope that one day (soon) in my publishing endeavors and in the relationship area of my life, that I'll get that balance. That the match-up will...match up!! :-)

In the meantime, I'll keep plugging away, testing, and trying- enjoying the ride!!

Love,

Sam

I've Been Rejected!! Yesssss!!!

Yes! Yes! Yes! I'm elated! I am elated that I have been rejected- rejected by a literary agent right here in D.C. OMG! OMG! OMG!
I submitted a query letter (a letter giving a summary of the book- full of catchy, suspenseful, action-packed jargon; type of thing you'd find on the back of a novel) to a few agencies so far and one, yes-the glorious first, has sent me a rejection email that I opened right as I was in the middle of a get-together with good friends, good food, and great drinks.
It was on a Friday night- Friday the 13th to be exact. I was sitting with the crew laughing it up, checked my Blackberry, and stumbled upon a message sent to me by a literary agent that I was really eager to work with. As I opened the message and read the few sentences she provided, I heard someone in the background, "Ahhhh Sammi, we're just messing with you?" Confused but focused I kept reading. Then a friend hugged me and said she was just playing. I looked at the people in the room like what the heck are ya'll talking about. Apparently as I was thumbing through my phone, I was the butt of some joke or something was said about me that was funny. Normally I'd laugh, and I probably would have been cracking up if I was paying attention. But I wasn't. I assumed the crew noticed my kind of solemn expression and thought it was the joke. No, not at all. I was stuck. I didn't know whether to be happy or sad cus I totally got rejected...Wow!! But yay, because for me, that means somebody read my query, somebody thought about it, and somebody took the time to tell me as she put it: There is too much on my plate right now.
Plus, plus, plus, it officially means for me that I'm really in the publishing process. It's happening. And that makes me happy!!! I got rejected!! Yesssssss!!! Is there a rejection dance? If not, I'll make one up :-)

Love,

Sam

Are We Ever Satisfied?

The great news is I'm moving up in my publishing career, as far as my 9-5 is concerned. I got the coveted (for a year and a half) promotion!! Yay!! So why when I got the offer letter at the end of last week did I want to cry? The raise looked great; it wasn't that. It was the fact that I had not only prayed for more money, I had prayed that God would remove me from that place all together. Not that I dislike it that much, but I just felt, and had been feeling for a long time, that it was time to go. And my family and friends can vouch for me, I tried my hardest for over a year to leave, went on countless interviews, have an actual excel spreadsheet of the 30+ jobs that I applied for, and even developed and kept over 20 different resumes and cover letters to match the specifications of each job I had applied for.
Well, back to last week. I signed the offer letter, I took a walk and immediately call one of my besties asking her what the heck is wrong with me. Why am I so ungrateful? Am I being ungrateful? Are we ever satisfied? Should I ever be satisfied because if I am, will I even continue to strive for more like Jabez in Corinthians who asked God to enlarge his territory? I just didn't get it. What was wrong with me? Was there anything wrong with me? What was up with my melancholy mood?
Bestie understood where I was coming from and reminded me that there is a balance. While I should be grateful about the blessing of finances, responsibility, and a resume booster, I should also continue to strive high. Do both.
A few days later, I called one of my professors and told him the good news. He's a mentor and is also a reference on my resume. After telling him that I didn't get one of the recent jobs I had applied for but I did get this promotion, he asked why I sounded so sad. It's days later and I'm still naturally in a funk. Of course deep down inside I really felt like an ungrateful brat. I told him that after all that work, all those interviews, my goal was never to move up in my current company, it was to leave all together. And I also let him know that I honestly didn't mean to sound that way or at least I didn't mean for him to hear me sound that way.
He reminded me that despite my best efforts, I cannot control everything. There we go with my control issues...He continued and told me that obviously God has a plan for me and my life and it wasn't for me to be where I'm not. He said one of the hardest things for people to do is get out of their own way, the way that God paved for them. So he told me to step aside and again be grateful. And just like my bff said, still strive to go further, but don't forget that I have a great opportunity right here and right now.
I'm a good listener...working, and I mean really working, on the doing. I'm really blessed not only for this new opportunity to learn and grow, but for the love and support by my family, friends, and mentors. :-)

Love,
Sam

I Say No First; Then Yes

I couldn't figure out what to write about until I just finished texting a friend of mine saying I couldn't hang because this is my working weekend. He's here from out of town. We used to hang; he looked out for me in school. He is a person I'll always be cool with. But on his visit to the DMV, I'm busy.

I do that a lot. I will restrict myself from activities and spending time with friends on the weekend so I can work, which most of the time is writing, studying for the next position, or preparing for a job interview. I'm doing all three this weekend.

So I won't see the girls, not even the family in my house for that matter because "work" is super important. It is!! However, in going back and forth with my friend about his schedule and mine, he gave me so many options to come through and say hi. Why? 'Cause we're fam! That's why. And with those options, I thought to myself, "Ms. Luck, you will not be working from sun up to sun down. There will be no burnout...on a weekend."

All that to say, when I do reach 30, I don't want to look back and be glad for all my accomplishments but be sad that there was more fun that could've, should've been had. While I'm an advocate for sacrificing free time, dating, fun for what you want in life, I am realizing that I can go overboard with it- just zone everything and everyone out. My closest friends are all too familiar with my "Cave of Seclusion." I just won't go in there as much...that's the best I can do. :-)

But I'm really, consciously working on balancing work, play, family, love, and whatever else.

My passion and goals will always be before me blaring in flashing lights, but while I'm working on getting things done, I can't forget about my family, friends, and fun!!!

So I guess that means I'm going out Saturday night- Heyyyyyyyyy!!!!

Love,
Sam

And the Point of It All...

Three Years to 30 exists because I literally have less than three years until I'm 30 years old. If I find the right person by that age, I do want to settle down. What young, talented, successful, single lady doesn't? However, now is NOT the time. I'm not published, I'm making decent money-I'd like to make more, I want these student loans gone...etc., etc., etc.

One of my bffs hates when I do that- run down my list of why I'm not ready and then she'll give an example of an old flame and say, "Huh, you lie, Black Gurl! Cuz if dude had asked, you would've been on it!" Hee Hee! She's right, but he didn't...and thennnnnnn I realized it was for the best.

At this point, I haven't explored enough, that includes travel, education, learning men and what I can live with and can't live with, and I haven't achieved enough of my personal goals- spiritually, emotionally, yes, psychologically (can't negate your mental health. Doesn't matter who you are.), or financially.

I still kick myself in the behind for paying more attention to boys than studying for my SATs and getting the BEST grades in high school, which made me ineligible for a full scholarship and left me with crazy student loans- mail and harassing phone calls. These days I have the loan people in my good graces since I pay them and consistently. But I emphasize, I want the loans gone or close to gone before I consider combining finances, credit scores, and mortgage payments with an M.A.N. If I want him to have his stuff together, I have to have mine together too. I can be hypocritical at times, but not in this case.

Anywho my thing is I don't want to settle and resent my partner because I, yes I, put my dreams aside for us. Sacrifice is all well and good, but I don't have to do that now. Glad about it.

What I can do now is continue to make my goals priority and make sure dating stays in its rightful place, located just below Jesus and Sammi's Personal Success.
With that said, this blog serves as a platform to express my feelings, share information, and provide commentary on my life pre-30. The adventures up to 27 have been amazing, fun, triumphant, sad, difficult, and more, but I'm alive, thriving, and I plan to make the most of my 20s. I'll deal with the 30s when I get there. Hopefully I'll have no regrets going in b/c I rode these next three years til the wheels fell off, rolled down the street, and out of my sight...

Love,
Sam

I Must Relinquish Control

I put it out there. Wrote my first novel...I love it! Family (only) has read it. Of course they love it!! *Of Course* I wrote the infamous query letter for publishers, sent the letter and a summary to one (I know, not enough). Then I reached out to two literary agencies, and will send query letters to one a week from now on until I get what I want, which is a literary agent.

Next, I applied to fifty thousand trillion jobs (very specific, special jobs) and have not YET gotten the response I want. But I keep pushing. That student loan repayment program is calling my name like, "Ms. Samantha Luck, we will make those loans disappear." And I'm like, "Ohhhhh yeahhhhhh! I love you!! Sallie Mae, eat your heart out!!"

Then among other things, I took my heart out of my chest and said "Hey Guy, this how I feel. I'm all vulnerable and stuff, but only for you, Boo!!" LOL @ myself! Ummmmm yeah, then things got quiet...*crickets crickets crickets* So I grabbed ahold of my heart, put it back in my chest like, "Okay, fine..." I was not fine, but you pat yourself on the back for being brave and keep going.

So here I am, doing, applying, giving, loving, waiting, tending to emotional bruises and ego busters...and in the midst of it all, I'm uneasy about the fact that I cannot control everything. While I would like everything to go my way and expeditiously I might add, I know that A. that is not possible and B. there's a bigger and better plan out there. My job is to be faithful and be the best Sam I can be every single day.

I also noticed that while I was scrambling trying to make my goals happen, I realized that I hadn't been grateful for the blessings that are occurring right in front of me. To name a few, I'm freelancing like I always wanted, I'm working on my second novel, making connections everywhere I seem to go, I'm back to loving blogging, I'm enjoying upward mobility and expansion at my current job, and LOVE? well, the love like I want has really yet to be given to me. I'm not in a rush especially since I admittedly have a habit of pushing aside my dreams and goals for it. Eeeeewww! Not very cool of me and soooo accidental. When it's right, it's right...Apparently now is not the time. Cool!!

So in this time of self-reflection, I came to the conclusion that if I am going to put myself out there (already did), I must MUST MUST MUST relinquish control. It is freeing, faithful, and very necessary for my sanity. #imjustsaying

Love,
Sam