I Must Relinquish Control

I put it out there. Wrote my first novel...I love it! Family (only) has read it. Of course they love it!! *Of Course* I wrote the infamous query letter for publishers, sent the letter and a summary to one (I know, not enough). Then I reached out to two literary agencies, and will send query letters to one a week from now on until I get what I want, which is a literary agent.

Next, I applied to fifty thousand trillion jobs (very specific, special jobs) and have not YET gotten the response I want. But I keep pushing. That student loan repayment program is calling my name like, "Ms. Samantha Luck, we will make those loans disappear." And I'm like, "Ohhhhh yeahhhhhh! I love you!! Sallie Mae, eat your heart out!!"

Then among other things, I took my heart out of my chest and said "Hey Guy, this how I feel. I'm all vulnerable and stuff, but only for you, Boo!!" LOL @ myself! Ummmmm yeah, then things got quiet...*crickets crickets crickets* So I grabbed ahold of my heart, put it back in my chest like, "Okay, fine..." I was not fine, but you pat yourself on the back for being brave and keep going.

So here I am, doing, applying, giving, loving, waiting, tending to emotional bruises and ego busters...and in the midst of it all, I'm uneasy about the fact that I cannot control everything. While I would like everything to go my way and expeditiously I might add, I know that A. that is not possible and B. there's a bigger and better plan out there. My job is to be faithful and be the best Sam I can be every single day.

I also noticed that while I was scrambling trying to make my goals happen, I realized that I hadn't been grateful for the blessings that are occurring right in front of me. To name a few, I'm freelancing like I always wanted, I'm working on my second novel, making connections everywhere I seem to go, I'm back to loving blogging, I'm enjoying upward mobility and expansion at my current job, and LOVE? well, the love like I want has really yet to be given to me. I'm not in a rush especially since I admittedly have a habit of pushing aside my dreams and goals for it. Eeeeewww! Not very cool of me and soooo accidental. When it's right, it's right...Apparently now is not the time. Cool!!

So in this time of self-reflection, I came to the conclusion that if I am going to put myself out there (already did), I must MUST MUST MUST relinquish control. It is freeing, faithful, and very necessary for my sanity. #imjustsaying

Love,
Sam